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“The Sword of Aluthia”
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“Suddenly, a bolt of lightning shot down from the sky.”
Brady is just a normal boy with a normal life, who lives in a normal house with his normal parents. Normally Brady is the boy who gets bullied at school, but one day while searching through his attic he makes an abnormal discovery that changes his life. Brady finds a fictional work in progress his father had been writing, titled “The Sword of Aluthia”. Brady found the story so extraordinary that he quite literally becomes immersed in a fantastical realm. Little does Brady know that he is destined to play an integral role, as his story unfolds, in a new and fantastic world filled with elves, dwarves, mythical creatures, magic and adventure! …and did I mention there’s a dragon?
Brady is just a normal boy with a normal life, who lives in a normal house with his normal parents. Normally Brady is the boy who gets bullied at school, but one day while searching through his attic he makes an abnormal discovery that changes his life. Brady finds a fictional work in progress his father had been writing, titled “The Sword of Aluthia”. Brady found the story so extraordinary that he quite literally becomes immersed in a fantastical realm. Little does Brady know that he is destined to play an integral role, as his story unfolds, in a new and fantastic world filled with elves, dwarves, mythical creatures, magic and adventure! …and did I mention there’s a dragon?
Readability
Brady is the young protagonist that the story revolves around and is narrated from a close third point of view. “The Sword of Aluthia” is a middle grade fantasy intended for a young demographic. I think the author did pretty well in terms of keeping the chapters short & focused for children (or adults) who may have lower attention spans. I would say this book is fine for children of all ages. The plot is linear and not overly ambitious, which is respectable in my opinion, because more often than not I come across indie authors who bite off more than they can chew in that regard. It seemed like the author knew exactly what kind of story he wanted to write and he stuck to the plan.
With all that being said, there are some amateur mistakes, but they didn’t leave much of a negative impact upon the story overall. Just some loose ends and questionable decisions on the author’s part, but all in all “The Sword of Aluthia” is a solid fantasy tale for what it’s worth – with easy to read prose, a simple story, various detailed settings, with clear character development, conflicts resolved, and a positive ending that also left room for a sequel (as this story is part of a planned series).
Creativity
I was introduced to Dungeons & Dragons when I was still in elementary school (which would be the target demographic for this book), and I noticed that quite a few of the fantasy elements in this story are borrowed from preexisting works from the genre – for instance the inclusion of multiple “races” like elves and dwarves. I’ve always found it confusing, but was too disinterested to find out, why dwarves are considered a separate race from human beings in the fantasy genre. Also the term “race” is habitually misused in the fantasy genre, but I digress. After all, we do refer to dwarves as little people, in the real world. At least the author didn’t call them midgets. Even though I think that would have made for some fun alliteration, because they live in the mountains. So they would be known as a “race” of mountain folk known as the dwarves, a.k.a. the mountain midgets.
Ryan is Brady’s father and the author of “The Sword of Aluthia” (within the story’s metanarrative). In the fantasy world, Ryan’s name becomes Eloryan. At first I didn’t know what to make of that name, until a fairy said to Brady/Eloryn:
“Silly boy! You are the son of Eloryan, the creator of all things.”
That’s when I realized that the author just added Elo to Ryan, with Elo being short for what I assume is Elohim – which is the Hebrew word for God(s). Kind of clever, because Eloryan looks like the typical kind of name you would see in a fantasy. I still don’t understand why Brady had to be called Eloryn, but whatever.
It seemed like Brady’s character was constantly smiling. He’s Mr. Smiley Face (always cheesing). His smile is described as something that can get progressively wider, and it’s mentioned on more than one occasion (especially around his fantasy girlfriend) that his smile widens. He’s kind of limited with his expressions in that way. I kept envisioning Brady as a smiley boy who’s kind of a goofy goober, but slowly his smile starts to stretch further and further into that uncanny valley territory, until ultimately, Brady (a.k.a. Eloryn) begins to resemble something that looks like the Momo, and if you don’t know the Momo then just google it. Maybe Brady is secretly a member of an undisclosed race of reptilian beings, who try to pass as human by wearing a silicone mask made to look like flesh, but his mask just so happens to be ill-fitted for his reptilian facial structure.
Delivery
So as I mentioned before, the story features a metanarrative that takes characters from a contemporary world and literally transports them into the fantasy setting of an unfinished book – much like in “The NeverEnding Story” (1984). And just like the boy from “The Neverending Story”, Brady’s character is also bullied.
However, in this story the bully seems to serve no purpose, except it is interesting to consider the way in which Brady “falls” into the fantasy world. Before he reaches Aluthia he literally falls through a void. So I cannot help but interpret some dark undertones here (perhaps unintentional, idk). Maybe, because Brady is bullied, his falling through the void and full immersion into this fantasy world of Aluthia (to the point where he literally forgets his past life; his memory loss is explicitly mentioned multiple times in the story) is kind of like a metaphor that hints at the idea that this kid may have a dissociative disorder. Now that’s way too deep for what I think this story is supposed to be, and judging it upon face value I don’t think the author intended for that interpretation, because in the end Brady’s parents are proud of him for deciding to remain in fantasy land – instead of returning to his “normal” life. I just found it interesting. Sometimes readers can see things in an author’s work that maybe the author themselves couldn’t see while they were writing the story. The muse works in mysterious ways.
As for the amateur mistakes I found, they all revolve around fundamental creative writing theory. So the first one I will address is when Brady is gifted a magical bow and arrow set in which the limited supply of arrows are imbued with the power to never miss their mark. Chekhov’s gun is a rule in creative writing that essentially states that if the author shows the reader a gun, then the gun needs to be used at some point during the story, and that wasn’t the case with Brady’s magical bow and arrows. Now Brady/Eloryn already had a sword, so instead of being gifted another weapon, I think the elves could have given him a pendant or an amulet of protection to ward off evil spirits or something. That would have helped to avoid the second amateur mistake which was the following examples of Deus Ex Machina.
Deus Ex Machina is a plot device that is typically due to a lack of planning, but it is used to help a character in the story get out of a seemingly impossible situation (like an act of “god” or a “miracle”). The first time it occurs when Brady/Eloryn is attacked by a shadow entity, and after losing his sword, he miraculously discovers that he can fire lightning bolts from his fingertips. Okay, see this is where if the elves had given him an amulet of protection instead of the magical bow ‘n arrow that never gets used, then the amulet could have been used to get him out of that jam via magic without it appearing as contrived plot armor, because it was set up ahead of time to serve that specific purpose. The second time the Deus Ex Machina occurs is when the legendary Sword of Aluthia is literally sent down from the heavens like a gift from God (lol), which brings me to the third rookie creative writing move, but this one is not technically a mistake as much as it is just a cliché.
The main plotline consists of Brady/Eloryn being sent on a quest to rescue a prince. That’s right, the old damsel in distress turned MacGuffin, because the rescue mission serves no meaningful purpose towards the novella’s conclusion. After the prince is saved, does he end up getting crowned king? Yes he does, and the king has a very important role to play. However, literally seconds after being crowned king, the blood heir to the throne asks the wizard – Aydoran (mind you, this is a character who has absolutely no authority within the human kingdom of Aolen – which was made clear earlier in the story) if he may relinquish his crown to someone that he believes is more worthy of wearing it, and I’m sure you can probably guess as to who that someone is… and of course that someone blindly accepts the crown as if it is a prize to be won and not a major responsibility to take on. I audibly laughed at the absurdity of it all. Here’s this prince who is an adult that has received formal combat training, has led armies in battle, and was probably mentored throughout his entire upbringing on how to rule a kingdom filled with people that he would be responsible for, and then here’s this little goofy goober that’s lived in Aluthia for less than a month.
Brady is the young protagonist that the story revolves around and is narrated from a close third point of view. “The Sword of Aluthia” is a middle grade fantasy intended for a young demographic. I think the author did pretty well in terms of keeping the chapters short & focused for children (or adults) who may have lower attention spans. I would say this book is fine for children of all ages. The plot is linear and not overly ambitious, which is respectable in my opinion, because more often than not I come across indie authors who bite off more than they can chew in that regard. It seemed like the author knew exactly what kind of story he wanted to write and he stuck to the plan.
With all that being said, there are some amateur mistakes, but they didn’t leave much of a negative impact upon the story overall. Just some loose ends and questionable decisions on the author’s part, but all in all “The Sword of Aluthia” is a solid fantasy tale for what it’s worth – with easy to read prose, a simple story, various detailed settings, with clear character development, conflicts resolved, and a positive ending that also left room for a sequel (as this story is part of a planned series).
Creativity
I was introduced to Dungeons & Dragons when I was still in elementary school (which would be the target demographic for this book), and I noticed that quite a few of the fantasy elements in this story are borrowed from preexisting works from the genre – for instance the inclusion of multiple “races” like elves and dwarves. I’ve always found it confusing, but was too disinterested to find out, why dwarves are considered a separate race from human beings in the fantasy genre. Also the term “race” is habitually misused in the fantasy genre, but I digress. After all, we do refer to dwarves as little people, in the real world. At least the author didn’t call them midgets. Even though I think that would have made for some fun alliteration, because they live in the mountains. So they would be known as a “race” of mountain folk known as the dwarves, a.k.a. the mountain midgets.
Ryan is Brady’s father and the author of “The Sword of Aluthia” (within the story’s metanarrative). In the fantasy world, Ryan’s name becomes Eloryan. At first I didn’t know what to make of that name, until a fairy said to Brady/Eloryn:
“Silly boy! You are the son of Eloryan, the creator of all things.”
That’s when I realized that the author just added Elo to Ryan, with Elo being short for what I assume is Elohim – which is the Hebrew word for God(s). Kind of clever, because Eloryan looks like the typical kind of name you would see in a fantasy. I still don’t understand why Brady had to be called Eloryn, but whatever.
It seemed like Brady’s character was constantly smiling. He’s Mr. Smiley Face (always cheesing). His smile is described as something that can get progressively wider, and it’s mentioned on more than one occasion (especially around his fantasy girlfriend) that his smile widens. He’s kind of limited with his expressions in that way. I kept envisioning Brady as a smiley boy who’s kind of a goofy goober, but slowly his smile starts to stretch further and further into that uncanny valley territory, until ultimately, Brady (a.k.a. Eloryn) begins to resemble something that looks like the Momo, and if you don’t know the Momo then just google it. Maybe Brady is secretly a member of an undisclosed race of reptilian beings, who try to pass as human by wearing a silicone mask made to look like flesh, but his mask just so happens to be ill-fitted for his reptilian facial structure.
Delivery
So as I mentioned before, the story features a metanarrative that takes characters from a contemporary world and literally transports them into the fantasy setting of an unfinished book – much like in “The NeverEnding Story” (1984). And just like the boy from “The Neverending Story”, Brady’s character is also bullied.
However, in this story the bully seems to serve no purpose, except it is interesting to consider the way in which Brady “falls” into the fantasy world. Before he reaches Aluthia he literally falls through a void. So I cannot help but interpret some dark undertones here (perhaps unintentional, idk). Maybe, because Brady is bullied, his falling through the void and full immersion into this fantasy world of Aluthia (to the point where he literally forgets his past life; his memory loss is explicitly mentioned multiple times in the story) is kind of like a metaphor that hints at the idea that this kid may have a dissociative disorder. Now that’s way too deep for what I think this story is supposed to be, and judging it upon face value I don’t think the author intended for that interpretation, because in the end Brady’s parents are proud of him for deciding to remain in fantasy land – instead of returning to his “normal” life. I just found it interesting. Sometimes readers can see things in an author’s work that maybe the author themselves couldn’t see while they were writing the story. The muse works in mysterious ways.
As for the amateur mistakes I found, they all revolve around fundamental creative writing theory. So the first one I will address is when Brady is gifted a magical bow and arrow set in which the limited supply of arrows are imbued with the power to never miss their mark. Chekhov’s gun is a rule in creative writing that essentially states that if the author shows the reader a gun, then the gun needs to be used at some point during the story, and that wasn’t the case with Brady’s magical bow and arrows. Now Brady/Eloryn already had a sword, so instead of being gifted another weapon, I think the elves could have given him a pendant or an amulet of protection to ward off evil spirits or something. That would have helped to avoid the second amateur mistake which was the following examples of Deus Ex Machina.
Deus Ex Machina is a plot device that is typically due to a lack of planning, but it is used to help a character in the story get out of a seemingly impossible situation (like an act of “god” or a “miracle”). The first time it occurs when Brady/Eloryn is attacked by a shadow entity, and after losing his sword, he miraculously discovers that he can fire lightning bolts from his fingertips. Okay, see this is where if the elves had given him an amulet of protection instead of the magical bow ‘n arrow that never gets used, then the amulet could have been used to get him out of that jam via magic without it appearing as contrived plot armor, because it was set up ahead of time to serve that specific purpose. The second time the Deus Ex Machina occurs is when the legendary Sword of Aluthia is literally sent down from the heavens like a gift from God (lol), which brings me to the third rookie creative writing move, but this one is not technically a mistake as much as it is just a cliché.
The main plotline consists of Brady/Eloryn being sent on a quest to rescue a prince. That’s right, the old damsel in distress turned MacGuffin, because the rescue mission serves no meaningful purpose towards the novella’s conclusion. After the prince is saved, does he end up getting crowned king? Yes he does, and the king has a very important role to play. However, literally seconds after being crowned king, the blood heir to the throne asks the wizard – Aydoran (mind you, this is a character who has absolutely no authority within the human kingdom of Aolen – which was made clear earlier in the story) if he may relinquish his crown to someone that he believes is more worthy of wearing it, and I’m sure you can probably guess as to who that someone is… and of course that someone blindly accepts the crown as if it is a prize to be won and not a major responsibility to take on. I audibly laughed at the absurdity of it all. Here’s this prince who is an adult that has received formal combat training, has led armies in battle, and was probably mentored throughout his entire upbringing on how to rule a kingdom filled with people that he would be responsible for, and then here’s this little goofy goober that’s lived in Aluthia for less than a month.
#LFLR Indie Rating: 5.5/10
I remember having a conversation with RB Worley about this book back in 2023 when I was still hosting online get-togethers for the indie community. During that interview, he told me “The Sword of Aluthia” was originally written as a bedtime story for his son. RB Worley has since gone on to publish a sequel entitled “The Winter of Lost Souls”, and one more book may still be in the works to complete The Aluthia Chronicles.
I remember having a conversation with RB Worley about this book back in 2023 when I was still hosting online get-togethers for the indie community. During that interview, he told me “The Sword of Aluthia” was originally written as a bedtime story for his son. RB Worley has since gone on to publish a sequel entitled “The Winter of Lost Souls”, and one more book may still be in the works to complete The Aluthia Chronicles.
THIS BREAKDOWN IS BROUGHT TO YOU BY THE #LFLR NETWORK.
