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"The Daemon Cloak of Haniel"
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“All across the empire of Hell, the vibe went sour.”
Angus McMurry is veteran and a member of The Order of Haniel. He recently moved to Fort Worth, Texas, where he lives like an everyday civilian, but is employed to keep a watchful eye for any suspicious activity that may threaten the sanctity of a divine artifact known as “The Cloak of Haniel”. The cloak was created by the archangel himself, and it’s up to The Order of Haniel to protect it at all costs. It is said that the cloak inspires a lust for power, and it has altered the course of mankind many times throughout history. When Angus receives an invitation to attend what he believes to be an induction to celebrate a new member at The Order of Haniel HQ, it turns out to be his own induction into the throes of cosmic tribulation. Will Angus be able to face his inner demons, and do what’s necessary to protect “The Daemon Cloak of Haniel” from the nefarious and otherworldly forces that threaten humanity, before his time on earth has expired?
Angus McMurry is veteran and a member of The Order of Haniel. He recently moved to Fort Worth, Texas, where he lives like an everyday civilian, but is employed to keep a watchful eye for any suspicious activity that may threaten the sanctity of a divine artifact known as “The Cloak of Haniel”. The cloak was created by the archangel himself, and it’s up to The Order of Haniel to protect it at all costs. It is said that the cloak inspires a lust for power, and it has altered the course of mankind many times throughout history. When Angus receives an invitation to attend what he believes to be an induction to celebrate a new member at The Order of Haniel HQ, it turns out to be his own induction into the throes of cosmic tribulation. Will Angus be able to face his inner demons, and do what’s necessary to protect “The Daemon Cloak of Haniel” from the nefarious and otherworldly forces that threaten humanity, before his time on earth has expired?
Readability
The line editing was fine, and there was never a time when I had to stop and scratch my head to figure out what the author was trying to convey in his sentences, but the book’s formatting looks lazy and the table of contents doesn’t including chapter headings for easy navigation (personal pet peeve). In terms of structure, I think “The Daemon Cloak of Haniel” suffers many developmental issues. The plot lacks direction and the narrative relies too much upon exposition, rather than scene, to be considered a novel. There were several instances in the book where it just felt like I was reading a series of seemingly related short stories mashed together, or a curated collection of articles to form one long exposé. The plot structure kept changing throughout the book, as if the author just wanted an excuse to go on another tangent about backstories, mythology, and lore. What I thought was the inciting incident turned out to be nothing more than a not so smooth segue way into a more farfetched concept than what was already established through the lore I had learned about in the previous info dump, which only opened the door to more exposition (which required further study on my part) before I received even the slightest amount of scene/action on the novel’s part.
Creativity
The imagery during some of the scenes (most notably during the underground ceremony and the final battle scene) was fun to read. Yoakum’s ability to create complex backstory and myths are clearly his strong suit in “The Daemon Cloak of Haniel” (pun intended). However, he leaves much to be desired in terms of establishing an effective magic system. The author suffered from what I like to call “convenient magic”, because whenever something needs to be done (that wasn’t properly plotted for/or setup) or whenever a character is in a jam… BAM! Call upon the magic to conveniently bail yourself out of a pickle. Only in this story, the convenient magic is annoying in more ways than one (most notably when Wayland’s character has the power to summon imps on a whim with minimal effort, but later on an entire ceremonial ritual is required to bring the Nefarium to earth, I mean why would a mortal man be more powerful than a lord of hell in that sense?). I must say that I think Yoakum’s use of real historical references to legitimize the cloak’s authenticity was effective (i.e. the reason why Nero was able to rise to power). Other than that, most of the other creative concepts and themes were quite obtuse (or thinly veiled) biblical, folk, and occult references.
Delivery
I was drawn to the whole sacred artifact narrative, which I thought was going to be the driving force of the whole story. Alas, the story that Yoakum plotted within the framework of said narrative actually sucks a big solid phallic shaped object from the bottom of the bargain bin at Satan’s headshop. Of course this is just my opinion, and if Larry reads this then he has every right to tell me to shove it up my ass.
However, truth be told… the only reason why I didn’t “DNF” this book is because I wanted to provide some honest feedback. As a rule of thumb, I don’t rate, review, provide any analysis for or even mention books that I do not finish (which is also something that I don’t want to be known for, which is why I try to make a habit of finishing whatever I start, just shy of any material that’s impossible to comprehend or just beyond redemption). So first I’m going to express my dissatisfaction, because I spent a portion of my finite time on this earth to get through this mess, and then I will provide some insights from my perspective in terms of how the story could have been improved (i.m.o.), because I earned the right to have a say.
I think my biggest gripe is how the tone is so noticeably and frustratingly inconsistent. The book starts off gritty albeit fantastical, but then swiftly degrades into campy cheese, only to end up taking itself way too seriously after having made a mockery of aspects within the story that I thought I was originally meant to be emotionally invested in.
For instance, the main character Angus is introduced as the type of guy who goes looking for trouble in dark alleys, to find an excuse to beat up young punks, as a means of staying in shape. On more than one occasion, the book mentions that Angus likes to frequent the strip clubs. Angus is the type of character that gets welcomed into an old friend’s home out of the blue (after being estranged for many years), only to immediately pass judgement upon the man for his choice of television set. I couldn’t help but laughed out loud when one the archangels claimed “He’d have made an incredible angel.” I think it would have been more tongue in cheek if the character had said, “He’d have made one hell of an angel,” instead, but I digress.
That wasn’t the only example of volatility in the book’s tone. There is a scene where one of the primary antagonists, previously described as a demonic warrior class creature from a galaxy far far away, was blushing over his interest in some popularly referenced American sitcoms/cartoons. Then there was the whole heaven and hell aspect, and all the melodrama between the archangels and Satan’s goons (who like to shoot the shit and play pool in Hell’s billiard room). All the cheese killed the thrills for me and cut all the tension that was built up through pages and pages of exposition, earlier in the book. I couldn’t take the story seriously from that point on, and when the book tried to be serious again at the end, I was just like “Dude, come on.”
I think poor tone is what ultimately leaves readers with mixed emotions about a book, and has the biggest impact in terms of how well received the story’s narrative will be. In the case of “The Daemon Cloak of Haniel”, I was never fully invested in what was being sold to me, because every time the author attempted to set the stakes through exposition, it was followed up by absurd events during the scenes that felt out of place in the grand scheme, which served to be the deal breaker for me. I’m not a fan of combining stake & cheese, in this regard. I just felt like I was being pulled in two directions… but why?
In all fairness, I should state that Yoakum didn’t fail to deliver a climatic action sequence near the end of the book, which does span multiple chapters (I was expecting that from the beginning, and I’m glad that the author followed through in satisfying that primary expectation, since it was based on the book’s overall narrative after all), and I have to say, the action wasn’t bad. The scene was easy to follow and had its moments of suspense. I just think the finale wasn’t given proper setup though, because the story failed to maintain the hype. When the battle was over, I thought that was going to be the end. I thought that was the point: protect the cloak from evil. Evil dead now, good, the end. Wait, how many more chapters are there?
Resolution/Ending (“This is the song that never ends. Yes, it goes on and on, my friend”): In the conclusion, it was pretty obvious that the pantser was caught with his pants down as he scrambled to tie up loose ends that had become irrelevant to me by that point in the book. When the smoke cleared, it was back to business as usual for Angus. After years of sitting on his ass and revisiting his old stomping grounds (i.e. strip clubs), Angus came to the realization that he’s going to die at some point (sooner rather than later), and decides that it’s as good a time as ever to start looking for that trustworthy heir for “The Daemon Cloak of Haniel” (You know, that divine artifact imbued with the power to tip the balance of good & evil on earth, that thing). I was like, “Dammit Angus, don’t you remember when a fucking archangel literally came down from the heavens, just to pay you a personal visit and spell out your destiny, way back when you hadn’t the slightest clue of what to do?” The last two chapters respond, “Oh yeah, I knew I was forgetting something.”
The book really should have ended after the big battle. Chapter forty one and forty two read more like an epilogue, except there are so many events crammed into those last two chapters that it could have warranted a sequel, but I think the author may have originally intended this book to be much longer than it is, and if I had to guess… he probably just ran out of steam.
In those last two chapters, we’re introduced to new characters and the Baba Yaga character (which was mentioned a few times throughout the novel) was given a shot at capturing the cloak (seemingly for no other reason but to justify those few times that her name was referenced, even though she played no significant role in the primary storyline). There’s some dude named Kyle that comes into play at random. It’s mentioned that Angus’ character meets him at a bar and they hit it off as friends (perhaps it's some self-insert thing, idk), but Kyle's character really has nothing to do with the cloak, at least until later on after Angus entrusts the artifact with some Russian fellow that comes out left field (and like Kyle, he was never mentioned up until that point in the book). Then after those chapters, there is an actual “Epilogue” included in the book, which only served to undermine everything I was taught to believe about the “The Daemon Cloak of Haniel” up until that point (what it’s purpose was, what it symbolized, what was the point?). So was the book “stake” and “cheese”? Eh, tasted more like sloppy Joe, if you ask me.
The line editing was fine, and there was never a time when I had to stop and scratch my head to figure out what the author was trying to convey in his sentences, but the book’s formatting looks lazy and the table of contents doesn’t including chapter headings for easy navigation (personal pet peeve). In terms of structure, I think “The Daemon Cloak of Haniel” suffers many developmental issues. The plot lacks direction and the narrative relies too much upon exposition, rather than scene, to be considered a novel. There were several instances in the book where it just felt like I was reading a series of seemingly related short stories mashed together, or a curated collection of articles to form one long exposé. The plot structure kept changing throughout the book, as if the author just wanted an excuse to go on another tangent about backstories, mythology, and lore. What I thought was the inciting incident turned out to be nothing more than a not so smooth segue way into a more farfetched concept than what was already established through the lore I had learned about in the previous info dump, which only opened the door to more exposition (which required further study on my part) before I received even the slightest amount of scene/action on the novel’s part.
Creativity
The imagery during some of the scenes (most notably during the underground ceremony and the final battle scene) was fun to read. Yoakum’s ability to create complex backstory and myths are clearly his strong suit in “The Daemon Cloak of Haniel” (pun intended). However, he leaves much to be desired in terms of establishing an effective magic system. The author suffered from what I like to call “convenient magic”, because whenever something needs to be done (that wasn’t properly plotted for/or setup) or whenever a character is in a jam… BAM! Call upon the magic to conveniently bail yourself out of a pickle. Only in this story, the convenient magic is annoying in more ways than one (most notably when Wayland’s character has the power to summon imps on a whim with minimal effort, but later on an entire ceremonial ritual is required to bring the Nefarium to earth, I mean why would a mortal man be more powerful than a lord of hell in that sense?). I must say that I think Yoakum’s use of real historical references to legitimize the cloak’s authenticity was effective (i.e. the reason why Nero was able to rise to power). Other than that, most of the other creative concepts and themes were quite obtuse (or thinly veiled) biblical, folk, and occult references.
Delivery
I was drawn to the whole sacred artifact narrative, which I thought was going to be the driving force of the whole story. Alas, the story that Yoakum plotted within the framework of said narrative actually sucks a big solid phallic shaped object from the bottom of the bargain bin at Satan’s headshop. Of course this is just my opinion, and if Larry reads this then he has every right to tell me to shove it up my ass.
However, truth be told… the only reason why I didn’t “DNF” this book is because I wanted to provide some honest feedback. As a rule of thumb, I don’t rate, review, provide any analysis for or even mention books that I do not finish (which is also something that I don’t want to be known for, which is why I try to make a habit of finishing whatever I start, just shy of any material that’s impossible to comprehend or just beyond redemption). So first I’m going to express my dissatisfaction, because I spent a portion of my finite time on this earth to get through this mess, and then I will provide some insights from my perspective in terms of how the story could have been improved (i.m.o.), because I earned the right to have a say.
I think my biggest gripe is how the tone is so noticeably and frustratingly inconsistent. The book starts off gritty albeit fantastical, but then swiftly degrades into campy cheese, only to end up taking itself way too seriously after having made a mockery of aspects within the story that I thought I was originally meant to be emotionally invested in.
For instance, the main character Angus is introduced as the type of guy who goes looking for trouble in dark alleys, to find an excuse to beat up young punks, as a means of staying in shape. On more than one occasion, the book mentions that Angus likes to frequent the strip clubs. Angus is the type of character that gets welcomed into an old friend’s home out of the blue (after being estranged for many years), only to immediately pass judgement upon the man for his choice of television set. I couldn’t help but laughed out loud when one the archangels claimed “He’d have made an incredible angel.” I think it would have been more tongue in cheek if the character had said, “He’d have made one hell of an angel,” instead, but I digress.
That wasn’t the only example of volatility in the book’s tone. There is a scene where one of the primary antagonists, previously described as a demonic warrior class creature from a galaxy far far away, was blushing over his interest in some popularly referenced American sitcoms/cartoons. Then there was the whole heaven and hell aspect, and all the melodrama between the archangels and Satan’s goons (who like to shoot the shit and play pool in Hell’s billiard room). All the cheese killed the thrills for me and cut all the tension that was built up through pages and pages of exposition, earlier in the book. I couldn’t take the story seriously from that point on, and when the book tried to be serious again at the end, I was just like “Dude, come on.”
I think poor tone is what ultimately leaves readers with mixed emotions about a book, and has the biggest impact in terms of how well received the story’s narrative will be. In the case of “The Daemon Cloak of Haniel”, I was never fully invested in what was being sold to me, because every time the author attempted to set the stakes through exposition, it was followed up by absurd events during the scenes that felt out of place in the grand scheme, which served to be the deal breaker for me. I’m not a fan of combining stake & cheese, in this regard. I just felt like I was being pulled in two directions… but why?
In all fairness, I should state that Yoakum didn’t fail to deliver a climatic action sequence near the end of the book, which does span multiple chapters (I was expecting that from the beginning, and I’m glad that the author followed through in satisfying that primary expectation, since it was based on the book’s overall narrative after all), and I have to say, the action wasn’t bad. The scene was easy to follow and had its moments of suspense. I just think the finale wasn’t given proper setup though, because the story failed to maintain the hype. When the battle was over, I thought that was going to be the end. I thought that was the point: protect the cloak from evil. Evil dead now, good, the end. Wait, how many more chapters are there?
Resolution/Ending (“This is the song that never ends. Yes, it goes on and on, my friend”): In the conclusion, it was pretty obvious that the pantser was caught with his pants down as he scrambled to tie up loose ends that had become irrelevant to me by that point in the book. When the smoke cleared, it was back to business as usual for Angus. After years of sitting on his ass and revisiting his old stomping grounds (i.e. strip clubs), Angus came to the realization that he’s going to die at some point (sooner rather than later), and decides that it’s as good a time as ever to start looking for that trustworthy heir for “The Daemon Cloak of Haniel” (You know, that divine artifact imbued with the power to tip the balance of good & evil on earth, that thing). I was like, “Dammit Angus, don’t you remember when a fucking archangel literally came down from the heavens, just to pay you a personal visit and spell out your destiny, way back when you hadn’t the slightest clue of what to do?” The last two chapters respond, “Oh yeah, I knew I was forgetting something.”
The book really should have ended after the big battle. Chapter forty one and forty two read more like an epilogue, except there are so many events crammed into those last two chapters that it could have warranted a sequel, but I think the author may have originally intended this book to be much longer than it is, and if I had to guess… he probably just ran out of steam.
In those last two chapters, we’re introduced to new characters and the Baba Yaga character (which was mentioned a few times throughout the novel) was given a shot at capturing the cloak (seemingly for no other reason but to justify those few times that her name was referenced, even though she played no significant role in the primary storyline). There’s some dude named Kyle that comes into play at random. It’s mentioned that Angus’ character meets him at a bar and they hit it off as friends (perhaps it's some self-insert thing, idk), but Kyle's character really has nothing to do with the cloak, at least until later on after Angus entrusts the artifact with some Russian fellow that comes out left field (and like Kyle, he was never mentioned up until that point in the book). Then after those chapters, there is an actual “Epilogue” included in the book, which only served to undermine everything I was taught to believe about the “The Daemon Cloak of Haniel” up until that point (what it’s purpose was, what it symbolized, what was the point?). So was the book “stake” and “cheese”? Eh, tasted more like sloppy Joe, if you ask me.
#LFLR Indie Rating: 2/10
“The Daemon Cloak of Haniel” only scored points in readability and creativity, with me. The narrative, along with some of the exposition explaining the myth/backstory, is the only thing this book had going for it, for sure, which is why I think Yoakum would probably be more effective at writing short stories rather than novels. Especially in the end, it just seemed like Larry ran out of gas. Don’t get me wrong, I’m not bitter, and out of respect for Yoakum as a fellow writer, I cannot in good conscience recommend this title as an example of his best work, because if I did then I’d just be blowing smoke up his ass, and I’d rather be honest. I saw plenty of ideas that could have been very effective in terms of maintaining my interests and keeping me invested in the story, but that only could have been achieved if more effort had been put into plotting out the storylines and more focus towards not only setting the tone of the novel, but actually sticking to it.
“The Daemon Cloak of Haniel” only scored points in readability and creativity, with me. The narrative, along with some of the exposition explaining the myth/backstory, is the only thing this book had going for it, for sure, which is why I think Yoakum would probably be more effective at writing short stories rather than novels. Especially in the end, it just seemed like Larry ran out of gas. Don’t get me wrong, I’m not bitter, and out of respect for Yoakum as a fellow writer, I cannot in good conscience recommend this title as an example of his best work, because if I did then I’d just be blowing smoke up his ass, and I’d rather be honest. I saw plenty of ideas that could have been very effective in terms of maintaining my interests and keeping me invested in the story, but that only could have been achieved if more effort had been put into plotting out the storylines and more focus towards not only setting the tone of the novel, but actually sticking to it.
THIS BREAKDOWN IS BROUGHT TO YOU BY THE #LFLR NETWORK.
