"The Occultus"
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“No one knows where it is.”
Meet Nathaniel, he may look like your average lethargic human being, but he’s really a demon at heart. He has a kind of love-hate sordid relationship with an angel named Serena. Nathaniel has a taste for whiskey and a tendency towards collecting souls to make ends meet, but that all changes when his latest deal falls through. When Serena stops Nathaniel from delivering one very specific soul to a demon named Cathal, Nathaniel is subsequently caught in the middle of an ambiguous battle between heaven and hell, between angels and demons, where one side is no better than the other. The demon at heart is coerced by the angel to help two special souls seek out an artifact (“The Occultus”) so that they may find solace, hidden away from the forces that wish to use them to tip the balance between good and evil; sheesh, the things a man has to do around here just to get a little peace and quiet… not to mention a stiff drink.
Meet Nathaniel, he may look like your average lethargic human being, but he’s really a demon at heart. He has a kind of love-hate sordid relationship with an angel named Serena. Nathaniel has a taste for whiskey and a tendency towards collecting souls to make ends meet, but that all changes when his latest deal falls through. When Serena stops Nathaniel from delivering one very specific soul to a demon named Cathal, Nathaniel is subsequently caught in the middle of an ambiguous battle between heaven and hell, between angels and demons, where one side is no better than the other. The demon at heart is coerced by the angel to help two special souls seek out an artifact (“The Occultus”) so that they may find solace, hidden away from the forces that wish to use them to tip the balance between good and evil; sheesh, the things a man has to do around here just to get a little peace and quiet… not to mention a stiff drink.
Readability
“The Occultus” is a character driven story, narrated from the first person perspective of Nathaniel. I know that it's popular in fantasy, but one thing I noticed about first person pov, is that authors tend to dwell inside the character’s head a bit too much when they write. What I mean is that the author ends up either revealing too much information by “thinking out loud” in the character’s voice, or in this example, the writing sounds equivalent to a lawyer leading the witness: “Why would an angel need a hunter and a demon? Was this some kind of real life chess match she had going on, or was she really just that bored?”
I’m not a fan of first person narratives that rely too much on the character’s internal monologue as a means to further the plot by more or less breaking the fourth wall and addressing the reader directly with a line of questioning that essentially does the thinking for you. I find that first person narratives are more effective when the author sticks to illustrating the character’s emotions through their thoughts, and then uses the character’s actions as their way of physically expressing their reactions to said emotions - rather than simply projecting the character’s ideas upon the reader. In other words the questions that the character is asking himself is actually what the author could have been asking themselves while they were writing the story and working their way through the plot. I would say it is very much like playing a game of chess, except you can hear what’s going on in your opponent’s head, so as far as the story goes, you’re always able to stay a move or two ahead of the plot.
Structurally, the story is a slog-fest to get through. “The Occultus” follows the novel format in the sense that there is a lackluster beginning, sluggish middle (filled with redundancies), and a half-hearted ending/resolution. The writing itself was okay, but I found the author’s more technical approach towards characterization to be quite repetitive. Take a shot of whiskey every time you read the words “eyebrow(s)” or “brow”. Some may say that it’s all in the eyes, but after reading “The Occultus”, I realized that true personality lies somewhere slightly above and beyond… pg. 284 and I quote,
“My eyebrow quirked upwards.”
Damn Nathaniel, back at it again with that quirky eyebrow!
Creativity
The story features a mix of magical realism and fantastical elements. The characters throughout the story appear to be human. However some humans, beneath the veil of flesh and blood, are actually demons or angels. Only those with the eyes to see, respectively, can discern who’s who in either case.
In addition to this, these humanoid demons/angels are essentially immortal, except that demons can effectively be sent back to hell if they are stabbed or shot in “the mark”. Every human being, that a demon possesses, has a mark somewhere upon their flesh, which signifies which prince of hell owns the soul of that body. Physical attributes aside, both angels and demons also have certain supernatural powers/abilities. One of which to note is that Serena’s character can basically travel via pseudo-teleportation (more like hyper travel, but the idea of appearing out of thin air is also alluded to). Nathaniel’s character has the power to heal quickly (granted he doesn’t sustain injury from a blessed blade, which is a type of weapon used by demon hunters), but he can also conjure up fire via telekinetic energy. There are instances that exhibit more sensationalized forms of magic (incantations that summon force fields, sorcery that brings inanimate objects to life, and spells that manipulate nature), but for the most part the narrative stays grounded within the reality of its urban setting, which takes place in modern day England.
I don’t know a lot about the urban fantasy genre, but one thing I’d like to point out as it pertains to this novel, was the repetitive use of hotels and overnight stay locales. All throughout the novel I noticed a lot of these hotel/motel/inn scenes. A pattern seemed to take shape, where every actionable event that transpired was swiftly followed by a hotel/motel/inn scene. These hotel/motel/inn scenes were used as a method by which the characters could regroup and share dialogue with each other, not only to recap the events that transpired thus far in the story and share backstory with each other, but also to plan their next move.
I got really bored with that formulaic plot structure after a while, because of how episodic it felt and how it seemed to lack a definitive overall direction. “The Occultus” definitely reads like a pantser project, in this regard. There are some other locations in the novel, which included: a library, bars, a historical landmark, churches, a subway system, a rooftop, a shop, a hospital, the headquarters of an organization, and few other brief settings, but the way in which these locations contribute to the world building was akin to a string of tapestries, hanging in the background rather than having an actual impact upon the plot (aside from that one scene with the gargoyles, that was a fun set up). Incorporating elements from the environment into each scene is a way of breathing life into the world that revolves around your characters, otherwise the whole story could just take place in a hotel/motel/inn and the reader would be none the wiser. Then there’s “The Occultus”(the centerpiece of this work)…
Delivery
“The Occultus” is an urban fantasy that follows an unlikely party: a demon, a demon hunter, a demon hater, and an angel. The plot more or less revolves around this motley crew of characters as they form a fellowship, based on a morally ambiguous cause. The premise of the whole adventure is built upon the idea that the demon hunter (Daniel aka Danny Boy) and the demon hater (Charlotte aka Charlie) are a special pair of human beings known as “guardians” (who are allegedly sought after by both angels and demons, for their special ability which could be used to help either side). The problem I have with novels that contain indefinite conflict is twofold: 1. Plot lacks direction (muddled narrative) 2. I’m in a constant state of reevaluating the character motivations, because the story never establishes what is at stake for each of them.
What I questioned most about “The Occultus” was why Nathaniel cared so much about taking on the indefinite role that was only summed as “protection from threats”. I just couldn’t subscribe to the notion that, within about a week’s time, Nathaniel’s character became so emotionally bonded with the support characters (and vice versa). The relationships were so unnatural (let alone supernatural). “The Occultus” (the artifact originally used to bribe Nathaniel into serving Daniel and Charlotte) felt more like a carrot leading the donkey (the jackass being me of course, for following along throughout this entire aimless journey) rather than something that had a significant meaning to the plot. Nathaniel is allegedly an immortal being that has been around for a long time, and has prior knowledge about said artifact, but then within a course of a week the characters discover that the amulet itself has no actual power but the power is actually bestowed by members of a mystical cult that just happen to adorn themselves with said amulet. How would Nathaniel not know that? Even after finding this out however, Nathaniel still wanted to help these people that hated his guts just a week ago (I suppose just out of the kindness of his heart). “When it comes to being a demon, I’d say I’m a pretty solid five—a high seven on a good day.” - Nathaniel
“The Occultus” is a character driven story, narrated from the first person perspective of Nathaniel. I know that it's popular in fantasy, but one thing I noticed about first person pov, is that authors tend to dwell inside the character’s head a bit too much when they write. What I mean is that the author ends up either revealing too much information by “thinking out loud” in the character’s voice, or in this example, the writing sounds equivalent to a lawyer leading the witness: “Why would an angel need a hunter and a demon? Was this some kind of real life chess match she had going on, or was she really just that bored?”
I’m not a fan of first person narratives that rely too much on the character’s internal monologue as a means to further the plot by more or less breaking the fourth wall and addressing the reader directly with a line of questioning that essentially does the thinking for you. I find that first person narratives are more effective when the author sticks to illustrating the character’s emotions through their thoughts, and then uses the character’s actions as their way of physically expressing their reactions to said emotions - rather than simply projecting the character’s ideas upon the reader. In other words the questions that the character is asking himself is actually what the author could have been asking themselves while they were writing the story and working their way through the plot. I would say it is very much like playing a game of chess, except you can hear what’s going on in your opponent’s head, so as far as the story goes, you’re always able to stay a move or two ahead of the plot.
Structurally, the story is a slog-fest to get through. “The Occultus” follows the novel format in the sense that there is a lackluster beginning, sluggish middle (filled with redundancies), and a half-hearted ending/resolution. The writing itself was okay, but I found the author’s more technical approach towards characterization to be quite repetitive. Take a shot of whiskey every time you read the words “eyebrow(s)” or “brow”. Some may say that it’s all in the eyes, but after reading “The Occultus”, I realized that true personality lies somewhere slightly above and beyond… pg. 284 and I quote,
“My eyebrow quirked upwards.”
Damn Nathaniel, back at it again with that quirky eyebrow!
Creativity
The story features a mix of magical realism and fantastical elements. The characters throughout the story appear to be human. However some humans, beneath the veil of flesh and blood, are actually demons or angels. Only those with the eyes to see, respectively, can discern who’s who in either case.
In addition to this, these humanoid demons/angels are essentially immortal, except that demons can effectively be sent back to hell if they are stabbed or shot in “the mark”. Every human being, that a demon possesses, has a mark somewhere upon their flesh, which signifies which prince of hell owns the soul of that body. Physical attributes aside, both angels and demons also have certain supernatural powers/abilities. One of which to note is that Serena’s character can basically travel via pseudo-teleportation (more like hyper travel, but the idea of appearing out of thin air is also alluded to). Nathaniel’s character has the power to heal quickly (granted he doesn’t sustain injury from a blessed blade, which is a type of weapon used by demon hunters), but he can also conjure up fire via telekinetic energy. There are instances that exhibit more sensationalized forms of magic (incantations that summon force fields, sorcery that brings inanimate objects to life, and spells that manipulate nature), but for the most part the narrative stays grounded within the reality of its urban setting, which takes place in modern day England.
I don’t know a lot about the urban fantasy genre, but one thing I’d like to point out as it pertains to this novel, was the repetitive use of hotels and overnight stay locales. All throughout the novel I noticed a lot of these hotel/motel/inn scenes. A pattern seemed to take shape, where every actionable event that transpired was swiftly followed by a hotel/motel/inn scene. These hotel/motel/inn scenes were used as a method by which the characters could regroup and share dialogue with each other, not only to recap the events that transpired thus far in the story and share backstory with each other, but also to plan their next move.
I got really bored with that formulaic plot structure after a while, because of how episodic it felt and how it seemed to lack a definitive overall direction. “The Occultus” definitely reads like a pantser project, in this regard. There are some other locations in the novel, which included: a library, bars, a historical landmark, churches, a subway system, a rooftop, a shop, a hospital, the headquarters of an organization, and few other brief settings, but the way in which these locations contribute to the world building was akin to a string of tapestries, hanging in the background rather than having an actual impact upon the plot (aside from that one scene with the gargoyles, that was a fun set up). Incorporating elements from the environment into each scene is a way of breathing life into the world that revolves around your characters, otherwise the whole story could just take place in a hotel/motel/inn and the reader would be none the wiser. Then there’s “The Occultus”(the centerpiece of this work)…
Delivery
“The Occultus” is an urban fantasy that follows an unlikely party: a demon, a demon hunter, a demon hater, and an angel. The plot more or less revolves around this motley crew of characters as they form a fellowship, based on a morally ambiguous cause. The premise of the whole adventure is built upon the idea that the demon hunter (Daniel aka Danny Boy) and the demon hater (Charlotte aka Charlie) are a special pair of human beings known as “guardians” (who are allegedly sought after by both angels and demons, for their special ability which could be used to help either side). The problem I have with novels that contain indefinite conflict is twofold: 1. Plot lacks direction (muddled narrative) 2. I’m in a constant state of reevaluating the character motivations, because the story never establishes what is at stake for each of them.
What I questioned most about “The Occultus” was why Nathaniel cared so much about taking on the indefinite role that was only summed as “protection from threats”. I just couldn’t subscribe to the notion that, within about a week’s time, Nathaniel’s character became so emotionally bonded with the support characters (and vice versa). The relationships were so unnatural (let alone supernatural). “The Occultus” (the artifact originally used to bribe Nathaniel into serving Daniel and Charlotte) felt more like a carrot leading the donkey (the jackass being me of course, for following along throughout this entire aimless journey) rather than something that had a significant meaning to the plot. Nathaniel is allegedly an immortal being that has been around for a long time, and has prior knowledge about said artifact, but then within a course of a week the characters discover that the amulet itself has no actual power but the power is actually bestowed by members of a mystical cult that just happen to adorn themselves with said amulet. How would Nathaniel not know that? Even after finding this out however, Nathaniel still wanted to help these people that hated his guts just a week ago (I suppose just out of the kindness of his heart). “When it comes to being a demon, I’d say I’m a pretty solid five—a high seven on a good day.” - Nathaniel
#LFLR Indie Rating: 3/10
“The Occultus” is basically just fan fiction for people who appreciate The CW Network and become enthralled by cheesy melodrama. The premise of the story had potential, and I think if more effort was put into outlining a cohesive plot, then the story would have come together in a way that was cogent to me. Even at the end, I still didn’t understand what “The Occultus” was truly about or how it's going to develop as a series. “The Occultus” is Ray Morgan’s first self-published novel. Her most recent release to date is “Soul of Fire”, which is a standalone novel in the young adult urban fantasy genre.
“The Occultus” is basically just fan fiction for people who appreciate The CW Network and become enthralled by cheesy melodrama. The premise of the story had potential, and I think if more effort was put into outlining a cohesive plot, then the story would have come together in a way that was cogent to me. Even at the end, I still didn’t understand what “The Occultus” was truly about or how it's going to develop as a series. “The Occultus” is Ray Morgan’s first self-published novel. Her most recent release to date is “Soul of Fire”, which is a standalone novel in the young adult urban fantasy genre.
THIS BREAKDOWN IS BROUGHT TO YOU BY THE #LFLR NETWORK.