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"The Springs"
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“They watch” “They watch” “They watch”
The writing is on the wall. Kelvin’s father-in-law, Joe, has gone missing, and something very strange is going on in a small town called The Springs. Joe was last known to be making repairs on Kelvin’s new family-home, but when he arrives, Kelvin finds the home abandoned. The grounds guard, hired by Springwood Studios to patrol the neighborhood, bears an odd little tattoo on his hand but extends no news on the missing relative. An ominous black hound crosses Kelvin’s path while getting the hell out of dodge and back to his wife. When Kelvin notices a similar tattoo on the clerk at the nearby gas station, it becomes evident that something nefarious may be happening behind the scenes…
The writing is on the wall. Kelvin’s father-in-law, Joe, has gone missing, and something very strange is going on in a small town called The Springs. Joe was last known to be making repairs on Kelvin’s new family-home, but when he arrives, Kelvin finds the home abandoned. The grounds guard, hired by Springwood Studios to patrol the neighborhood, bears an odd little tattoo on his hand but extends no news on the missing relative. An ominous black hound crosses Kelvin’s path while getting the hell out of dodge and back to his wife. When Kelvin notices a similar tattoo on the clerk at the nearby gas station, it becomes evident that something nefarious may be happening behind the scenes…
Readability
The pacing feels off-kilter with this story. I think the narrative moves too quickly, revealing too much too early, and then attempts to backtrack in order to provide more information to the story after the fact. It just felt out of order. The writing isn't horrible, but the paragraph structure could have been cleaned up a bit and use of dialogue tags would have helped with distinguishing which character is active during conversations.
Creativity
There are subtle nods to British/Germanic folklore in “The Springs” for those who have the eyes to see. I personally like when authors put Easter eggs into their stories. For me it’s like discovering little gems hidden in plain sight, providing something extra to discuss or giving people a reason to reread the story and appreciate the greater meaning behind the minutia. This is an easy way to give the reader some extra value, especially when writing within the limited scope of a short story format. These hidden gems extend into Falconer's use of symbolism in “The Springs”, which hints at the concept of secret societies tied to the brief historical references (albeit fictional) made in the story, by the private investigator.
The imagery in “The Springs” was hit or miss for me. There is one example in particular that sticks out like a sore thumb, which is cause for distraction in my opinion. I think it just left me with the wrong impression based on the context.
“He had had the pleasure of being by his grandfather’s side when his time had come at the ripe age of 95. His grandfather let out a deep breath, as if held since birth. One eye was ravaged by cataracts, and both bulged out of his face like the beginnings of adolescent breasts, his good eye telling tales of travel, prejudice, love gained and lost; thousands of faces, good and bad.”
I thought to myself, “Sir, my eyes are up here (pointing with my hand). What was the purpose of placing a creepy fixation in the middle of what I assume is meant to be a sentimental approach?” Of course I may be reading into this example too much, but my point here (for writers in general) is that this is an example of how poor writing can distract the reader from what the author may be trying to convey.
Simile/metaphor is a form of imagery in literature that makes objects/actions more vivid to the reader by making picturesque or grotesque comparisons (that much is obvious to most writers). What separates good writing from poor writing, comes down to the execution of different techniques. So before I go ahead and start flowering up any of my prose with simile or metaphor, I try to make a habit of asking myself whether or not the comparisons being made share any similarities with the desired message, mood, vibe, or atmosphere that I am trying to achieve in my writing. I could say “The man carried his gut like a trash bag,” and that creates an image but it doesn’t mean anything in particular to the reader unless there is context to bridge gap between the comparison being made and what I’m trying to convey in my writing. For example, “After shoveling the fast food down his gullet, the man carried his gut like a trash bag.” The simile makes more sense in this context, because the message being conveyed to the reader is that fast food is garbage.
Delivery
R.P. Falconer gives the reader more than one thing to focus on in “The Springs”, which goes above and beyond what I expect from a short story. What I thought was the story’s “big reveal” was given away too early in the book with Kelvin’s storyline. I thought that decision ultimately sucked the value out of the ending, but the backstory that was supplied through Bella’s storyline did add an element of horror that was not achieved earlier in the narrative with Kelvin’s.
The pacing feels off-kilter with this story. I think the narrative moves too quickly, revealing too much too early, and then attempts to backtrack in order to provide more information to the story after the fact. It just felt out of order. The writing isn't horrible, but the paragraph structure could have been cleaned up a bit and use of dialogue tags would have helped with distinguishing which character is active during conversations.
Creativity
There are subtle nods to British/Germanic folklore in “The Springs” for those who have the eyes to see. I personally like when authors put Easter eggs into their stories. For me it’s like discovering little gems hidden in plain sight, providing something extra to discuss or giving people a reason to reread the story and appreciate the greater meaning behind the minutia. This is an easy way to give the reader some extra value, especially when writing within the limited scope of a short story format. These hidden gems extend into Falconer's use of symbolism in “The Springs”, which hints at the concept of secret societies tied to the brief historical references (albeit fictional) made in the story, by the private investigator.
The imagery in “The Springs” was hit or miss for me. There is one example in particular that sticks out like a sore thumb, which is cause for distraction in my opinion. I think it just left me with the wrong impression based on the context.
“He had had the pleasure of being by his grandfather’s side when his time had come at the ripe age of 95. His grandfather let out a deep breath, as if held since birth. One eye was ravaged by cataracts, and both bulged out of his face like the beginnings of adolescent breasts, his good eye telling tales of travel, prejudice, love gained and lost; thousands of faces, good and bad.”
I thought to myself, “Sir, my eyes are up here (pointing with my hand). What was the purpose of placing a creepy fixation in the middle of what I assume is meant to be a sentimental approach?” Of course I may be reading into this example too much, but my point here (for writers in general) is that this is an example of how poor writing can distract the reader from what the author may be trying to convey.
Simile/metaphor is a form of imagery in literature that makes objects/actions more vivid to the reader by making picturesque or grotesque comparisons (that much is obvious to most writers). What separates good writing from poor writing, comes down to the execution of different techniques. So before I go ahead and start flowering up any of my prose with simile or metaphor, I try to make a habit of asking myself whether or not the comparisons being made share any similarities with the desired message, mood, vibe, or atmosphere that I am trying to achieve in my writing. I could say “The man carried his gut like a trash bag,” and that creates an image but it doesn’t mean anything in particular to the reader unless there is context to bridge gap between the comparison being made and what I’m trying to convey in my writing. For example, “After shoveling the fast food down his gullet, the man carried his gut like a trash bag.” The simile makes more sense in this context, because the message being conveyed to the reader is that fast food is garbage.
Delivery
R.P. Falconer gives the reader more than one thing to focus on in “The Springs”, which goes above and beyond what I expect from a short story. What I thought was the story’s “big reveal” was given away too early in the book with Kelvin’s storyline. I thought that decision ultimately sucked the value out of the ending, but the backstory that was supplied through Bella’s storyline did add an element of horror that was not achieved earlier in the narrative with Kelvin’s.
#LFLR Indie Rating: 5/10
If you’re into gothic creature features with a twentieth century flare then “The Springs” is a short read with some intriguing themes and references. This breakdown was an assessment of what was some of R.P. Falconers early writing, and “The Springs” also includes a sample excerpt from his novel Lilif: A Supernatural Thriller, but Compendium 4 is R.P. Falconer’s most recent short story anthology published to date.
If you’re into gothic creature features with a twentieth century flare then “The Springs” is a short read with some intriguing themes and references. This breakdown was an assessment of what was some of R.P. Falconers early writing, and “The Springs” also includes a sample excerpt from his novel Lilif: A Supernatural Thriller, but Compendium 4 is R.P. Falconer’s most recent short story anthology published to date.
THIS BREAKDOWN IS BROUGHT TO YOU BY THE #LFLR NETWORK.
