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I wrote an article called “Value is Created through an Exchange of Resources”, and discussed five of the six resources we exchange to create value in our lives. Relationships are the sixth resource type that creates value through an exchange. I wanted to write this piece separate, because there are several different avenues and levels to explore when it comes to relationships, and how value is created through this human resource. Looking at the big picture, we have interpersonal relationships, and we have a relationship within ourselves.
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Delving a little deeper, we come up with a couple different types of common interpersonal relationships:
1. Intimate or Personal Relationships
2. Business or Professional Relationships
The value of any interpersonal relationship is measured from the culmination of standards and principles. The value itself is a result of an exchange taking place between producers and consumers. There are interpersonal relationships that can be very detrimental to one’s values. These interpersonal relationships may not be so easy to spot once you’re in them, but I introduce the characteristics of toxic and parasitic interpersonal relationships, so you can identify them and have the ability to protect yourself. It is important to distance yourself or avoid these types of relationships, especially as an entrepreneur, in order to appreciate as an individual and increase the value of your life.
1. Intimate or Personal Relationships
2. Business or Professional Relationships
The value of any interpersonal relationship is measured from the culmination of standards and principles. The value itself is a result of an exchange taking place between producers and consumers. There are interpersonal relationships that can be very detrimental to one’s values. These interpersonal relationships may not be so easy to spot once you’re in them, but I introduce the characteristics of toxic and parasitic interpersonal relationships, so you can identify them and have the ability to protect yourself. It is important to distance yourself or avoid these types of relationships, especially as an entrepreneur, in order to appreciate as an individual and increase the value of your life.
Me Myself and I
The relationship you have within yourself is probably the most important resource you have to draw value from. A great relationship with one’s self is where we build character and our own individual identity. If you know who you are, it makes it much easier to identify with others, and network with like- minded people. You may be asking yourself, “How does the value creating exchange take place if the relationship is with yourself?” It takes place through one’s individual perception. For instance, if two people look at a painting individually, one may garner value from that painting because there is perceived aesthetic value from their personal perception. The other may see nothing but colors on a canvas, and that could be as simple as a matter of personal “taste”. It also could be a measure of how deep that individual’s relationship with their self is, to be able to perceive aesthetic value. I compiled a list of other examples of value that derive from the exchanges of having a healthy relationship within self:
· Self-esteem
· Courage
· Integrity
· Insight
· Honor
· Gratitude
· Nobility
These values all come from an exchange that occurs between our own perception and whatever it is we are interpreting, art, readings, nature, other human beings, media, etc. All this trading of interpretation and ideology is what allows us to garner a sense of self-worth and develop our principle values. These principles are what help us set the standards for what we would consider a valuable interpersonal relationship. This is why some people say it is important that you "learn how to love yourself" before you can love others. What that means is in order to increase your success with interpersonal relationships you must first establish your identity and discover your principle values. It makes it easier to identify like-minded people when you have established some standards based on your own principles. If there was an algebraic equation to measure the potential value of any interpersonal relationship, standards and principles would be the two main variables.
“Standards are our expectations of others, and principles are our own ability to live up to those expectations on an interpersonal level. The closer these two qualities are running parallel with each other, the longer the relationship will retain its value.”
A Pool of Producers and Consumers
The value in all interpersonal relationships is the result of an exchange between producers and consumers. All healthy relationships have a balance of production and consumption among individuals, a give and take exchange, albeit the value for one individual may be internal whereas the value for the other individual may be external. I could give examples, but I’ll let that statement stimulate your imagination to interpret the ways that would be true. Interpersonal relationships are all about an exchange between producers and consumers:
Producers
Producers are individuals who generate, offer, create, manufacture, gather, and/or share resources (currency,objects,ideas,labor,services,relationships).
Consumers
Consumers are individuals who appreciate resources, in the sense of imparting some measure of value to resources through their demand for them.
A healthy relationship is a balance between production and consumption from each individual. The producer of the relationship may gain internal value from providing resources for the consumer of the relationship, but then the consumer will appreciate the gesture with some kind of “return on investment” so to speak. So the producer will sometimes be the consumer and vice versa, whether it’s a business relationship or a personal relationship. It is when there begins to be a tip in the scale and the relationship becomes off balance for one reason or another, like perhaps there was a misinterpretation or evolution of character that lead to a misalignment of standards and principles, or perhaps something far worse.
Negativity is the Patina of Life and the Erosion of Value
There are two properties a relationship can have that can leave a negative impact on your values and overall quality of life. The first property is an interpersonal relationship that is toxic. A toxic relationship can poison the subconscious and if not checked, may begin to corrode your principle values and relationship you have with yourself (including your self-worth). These toxic relationships could be the result of a hypocrisy of and/or conflicting standards and principles. This hypocrisy of standards/principles may lead to having relationships with negative or pessimistic, even verbally abusive people. I am not a psychologist, but I will tell you right now that the reason why many of you are not aspiring to achieve that which you have always desired for yourself or chasing your dreams is due to the types of relationships you have invested in. You don’t even need to have a relationship with a “bad” person in order for the relationship to be toxic in nature.
· A toxic dysfunctional relationship is an imbalance of principle/standards, and has a negative effect on your mind (conscious or subconscious)
The second negative property an interpersonal relationship can take is parasitic. A parasitic relationship is the result of an imbalance of producer/consumer economy within the relationship. These are the types of relationships that can leave people feeling “used”.
· A parasitic dysfunctional relationship is an imbalance of producer/consumer economy, and has a depreciating effect on your resources
Unlike an interpersonal relationship where there is a balanced producer/consumer give and take economy and resources appreciate in value, the parasitic relationship depreciates the value of resources. The worst kinds of relationships are one’s that have both toxic and parasitic properties, but the only way these relationships will impact your life is if you invest in them. Due diligence is a term used by investors, businessmen, and entrepreneurs alike as a way of stating the process of doing one’s “homework” , research, and/or analyzing before partaking in a deal. This same due diligence should be applied to every relationship you have. If you are unable to calculate substantial value from an interpersonal relationship by measuring pros/cons and how they stack up to your principles/standards then that is the first sign that there is an obvious imbalance that may be leading to dysfunction in your life or affecting the quality of your life.
The relationship you have within yourself is probably the most important resource you have to draw value from. A great relationship with one’s self is where we build character and our own individual identity. If you know who you are, it makes it much easier to identify with others, and network with like- minded people. You may be asking yourself, “How does the value creating exchange take place if the relationship is with yourself?” It takes place through one’s individual perception. For instance, if two people look at a painting individually, one may garner value from that painting because there is perceived aesthetic value from their personal perception. The other may see nothing but colors on a canvas, and that could be as simple as a matter of personal “taste”. It also could be a measure of how deep that individual’s relationship with their self is, to be able to perceive aesthetic value. I compiled a list of other examples of value that derive from the exchanges of having a healthy relationship within self:
· Self-esteem
· Courage
· Integrity
· Insight
· Honor
· Gratitude
· Nobility
These values all come from an exchange that occurs between our own perception and whatever it is we are interpreting, art, readings, nature, other human beings, media, etc. All this trading of interpretation and ideology is what allows us to garner a sense of self-worth and develop our principle values. These principles are what help us set the standards for what we would consider a valuable interpersonal relationship. This is why some people say it is important that you "learn how to love yourself" before you can love others. What that means is in order to increase your success with interpersonal relationships you must first establish your identity and discover your principle values. It makes it easier to identify like-minded people when you have established some standards based on your own principles. If there was an algebraic equation to measure the potential value of any interpersonal relationship, standards and principles would be the two main variables.
“Standards are our expectations of others, and principles are our own ability to live up to those expectations on an interpersonal level. The closer these two qualities are running parallel with each other, the longer the relationship will retain its value.”
A Pool of Producers and Consumers
The value in all interpersonal relationships is the result of an exchange between producers and consumers. All healthy relationships have a balance of production and consumption among individuals, a give and take exchange, albeit the value for one individual may be internal whereas the value for the other individual may be external. I could give examples, but I’ll let that statement stimulate your imagination to interpret the ways that would be true. Interpersonal relationships are all about an exchange between producers and consumers:
Producers
Producers are individuals who generate, offer, create, manufacture, gather, and/or share resources (currency,objects,ideas,labor,services,relationships).
Consumers
Consumers are individuals who appreciate resources, in the sense of imparting some measure of value to resources through their demand for them.
A healthy relationship is a balance between production and consumption from each individual. The producer of the relationship may gain internal value from providing resources for the consumer of the relationship, but then the consumer will appreciate the gesture with some kind of “return on investment” so to speak. So the producer will sometimes be the consumer and vice versa, whether it’s a business relationship or a personal relationship. It is when there begins to be a tip in the scale and the relationship becomes off balance for one reason or another, like perhaps there was a misinterpretation or evolution of character that lead to a misalignment of standards and principles, or perhaps something far worse.
Negativity is the Patina of Life and the Erosion of Value
There are two properties a relationship can have that can leave a negative impact on your values and overall quality of life. The first property is an interpersonal relationship that is toxic. A toxic relationship can poison the subconscious and if not checked, may begin to corrode your principle values and relationship you have with yourself (including your self-worth). These toxic relationships could be the result of a hypocrisy of and/or conflicting standards and principles. This hypocrisy of standards/principles may lead to having relationships with negative or pessimistic, even verbally abusive people. I am not a psychologist, but I will tell you right now that the reason why many of you are not aspiring to achieve that which you have always desired for yourself or chasing your dreams is due to the types of relationships you have invested in. You don’t even need to have a relationship with a “bad” person in order for the relationship to be toxic in nature.
· A toxic dysfunctional relationship is an imbalance of principle/standards, and has a negative effect on your mind (conscious or subconscious)
The second negative property an interpersonal relationship can take is parasitic. A parasitic relationship is the result of an imbalance of producer/consumer economy within the relationship. These are the types of relationships that can leave people feeling “used”.
· A parasitic dysfunctional relationship is an imbalance of producer/consumer economy, and has a depreciating effect on your resources
Unlike an interpersonal relationship where there is a balanced producer/consumer give and take economy and resources appreciate in value, the parasitic relationship depreciates the value of resources. The worst kinds of relationships are one’s that have both toxic and parasitic properties, but the only way these relationships will impact your life is if you invest in them. Due diligence is a term used by investors, businessmen, and entrepreneurs alike as a way of stating the process of doing one’s “homework” , research, and/or analyzing before partaking in a deal. This same due diligence should be applied to every relationship you have. If you are unable to calculate substantial value from an interpersonal relationship by measuring pros/cons and how they stack up to your principles/standards then that is the first sign that there is an obvious imbalance that may be leading to dysfunction in your life or affecting the quality of your life.
